sweetest good - b _ _

emotionally break down
physically ill
in extreme sadness
tears is now my other half
i am lost my motivation
haih.............i just do not know what to write
no words could describe
little did i know, letting go and losing gonna be this hard
i know you're gone
but forgive me,
i can't even utter the words good bye for now.............

marley & me

i cried like a baby when i read this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sob sob sob :'(
that's why i didn't finish reading this although it just 2 chapters left when i was hospitalized knowing i would cry this hard.

p/s: i miss Takada. he wasn't home for 2 days now. haih :(

2 nights in PPUM

ok, now it's time to get serious. remember my post about my teeth check-up last time? well, you can click here.

Wednesday, 23rd March
so..as scheduled, i was admitted in ward on 23rd March *my first time ever!!!* i was assigned to Menara Timur section of PPUM. Menara Timur is quite a walking distance from Menara Utama, and it's quieter too and creepier maybe? err. i got a room for two *yes, a little privacy!*. mother accompanied me to the ward, unpack my stuffs and helping me tidying up my bed and arranging stuffs before she headed back to her office and leave me alone. how i hate being alone in hospital, but i just couldn't keep her with me all time, i'm a big girl now, am i?

waiting area before admitting into ward.

Josh Grogan's Marley & Me and Jodi Picoult's Picture Perfect to keep me occupied

later, a nurse told me, around that evening, i would have to go to dental clinic to do the check-up. i thought when she said "evening" it's gonna be around 3-4pm like that. so, i killed time by going to cafeteria *i don't have appetite to eat hospital's food :(*, grab myself a last copy of that day's newspaper. i think, i was gone for about 1/2 hours including time wasted waiting for the slow elevator.

don't ask me what maxillo facial mean is

my first food. being me, every new place i go, i just couldn't finish my first food :(

when i reached my bed and about to eat my karipap, a nurse came to me and questioned "where are you going?we're supposed to go to clinic right now!" damn. it's not that i worried nurse is mad at me or what, but remember my previous post about my gastric? i was afraid that it might come back as i just ate about 2 spoonfull of rice only for lunch. off i went to see dentist and settled everything about an hour later. i went back to my bed alone without a nurse accompanied me as i was too lazy to wait for her. with me wearing my hospital uniform and everyone was staring at me like i was in mission to escape or something. plus, with my fast-walk, anyone would craned their neck to see me "what on earth this healthy girl doing with hospital's uniform?". but, anyway, i was happy that i arrived my bed safely and not lost *route from main building to Menara Timur is very confusing, that's why*. happily ate my karipap, blueberry pie, a slice of papaya and egg tart..and indulged myself with my novels. he he he.

earrrrlyyyy dinner

later, came Dr Zakiah to get a sample blood from my tiny hand. it's a torturous process i must say for a thin person like me because it wasn't easy to seek for the right vein to poke and get my blood. she poked my left hand twice and only managed to get half of blood for 5-inch tube and poked twice again at my right hand and didn't get any. then, a nurse came and in less than a minute, she got a full tube of blood easily plus, without pain (=.='). that night, my parent & grandparent came, was happy to see them yeay! not forgotten, bb too :') told him not to trouble himself to visit me as he's tired from work and all that, but, kepala batu as he always be, he still came :')

finally, u've got the hole right eh? well, not really, next morning, they poke again another hole as this one was swollen T_T

Thursday, 24th March
that night, i have to fast and later early in the morning about 5am like that, a nurse woke me up, told me to have a shower and getting ready for my surgery. omg. that's scary scary scary!!!
texted my mother at 6.30am to tell me that my name was first on the list today for surgery. around 9am or so, i was brought to the operation room. changed to operation uniform, chatted a little with doctors there, i remembered that they played Bryan Adams' song....Madonna's Take A Bow...i think the songs were to help me to relax...then i breathed through the breathing support machine *i don't know the exact name* and minutes later, i passed out already. everything went black.

about 15 minutes before going to operation room

woke up and felt dizzy, with a smell of blood, my mouth felt hurt and i couldn't think straight. but i could hear others' conversation and i remembered i heard doctor's voice chatted with my former classmate. i thought it was a dream but it felt so real. turned out, it was real anyway! aha. it was my former high school classmate Pui San. i know she's further her study in dentistry at UM but i kinda not updating with her much, so i thought she's already finished study or something. it's kinda not cool to see old bestfriend with blood all over your face right? plus, with she's helping me out when i vomitting my blood (+_+) my mother told me that the operation took about 4 hours, from 9am to 1pm man!! i don't know that removing teeth gonna take time that long.

when i was already on my own bed, well, i kept on spitting blood, vomitting blood, plus with the anesthetic effect, i was so dizzy. i hate the feeling when i was hungry but not able to eat T_T started with banana...took about 3 hours to finish one! when the anesthetic's gone and i managed to catch a short nap, only then i felt a bit better and able to talk. Mak Oji and her husband came that night followed by Pakbusu and Maksu later too. they brought together chicken porridge and i was eating like a giant cat. oh, not forgotten, bb also came..heee :') couldn't sleep well that night, felt like crying because my feet so hurt! i thought like running home right at that moment. wanted to call my mother, but lucky that i came to my senses that's it's already very late at night. i guess it's already 2am in the morning.

after the operation, with my mother :)

Friday, 25th March
Dr Zakiah again came checked on me and told me, if i already can eat, and felt healthy, there's a chance that i might discharged that day! yippie! i couldn't stand any longer staying at hospital :( then, came a nurse hours later and asked me if i wanted to discharge today. for sure i replied "YES"! so, texted my mother, and about 12pm. after all the documents were prepared, off we go from this place. wanted to give thanks to Dr Zakiah, Dr Farah and Dr Alex, but they were nowhere to be seen. nurses that always nursing me too weren't in sight. guess they were on the night shift :(

getting ready to get back

anyway, and that's my first experience ever spending a night at hospital and undergo a surgery some more. alhamdulillah, it was a pleasant stay with all nice doctors and nurses. i am now have to carefully watch my diet, no hot food, lotsa ice cream and iced drinks *yippie!* no removing heavy things and bla bla bla. hope i'll get better soon. by the way, i got an MC and only on next Wednesday shall i start working again. bye bye work, hello holiday!

gastric.

i guess it's a routine now to update my blog once a week. ehee. i have a story for this week but, let me tell a bit about last week first. we just have to follow the sequence right? *although the story not related at all*.

last week on 19th March, i went to work *bullshit so-called office hours* as there were so many pending works on that week. no breakfast, just managed to grab some kuih at Masjid Jamek LRT station and straight working WITHOUT lunch until about 3pm. after that, my colleagues and i straight headed to KLCC as there's a Job Fair held there. thanks to Farah and her boyfriend for the ride yeah! to our disappointment, there was a long queue to enter and the companies participants wasn't that much. plus..........limited limited choices and if there any, well, as usual, for sales and customer service vacancies :( plus...not so many of free stuffs too!!!! killed time for hours there like for nothing, dropped my resume few here and there. then, off to lunch we go at 6pm!

just so-so. mine is better *riak* ahaha. i should've opt for nasi!!! malay stomach, just can't deny.

M, farah and i. see how skema i am. *because i thought i'll be going alone, so i dressing down as i can*

i ate lasagne, and after eating, straight headed home. after performing my Maghrib prayer, i was asleep till the next morning................and the story started here. having a sensitive stomach, i was having a gastric that night. diarrhea, vomitting and my stomach spinning and bloated. it continued until Tuesday. on Monday, still i went to work although i was already shivering but alhamdulillah i managed to get through the day. Mum bought gaviscon for me that day and although my stomach still spinning, but, it gets better. lesson for me, do not ever ever ever leave my stomach empty. ok, that's all.

the medicine.

*this entry kinda pathetic. i know *

PAC

aha..again, another week passed before writing up a new post :P so...for this entry, i'm going to tell you about PAC which i went to last week. PAC is stand for Programme Assessment Centre for those who applied job as PTD. it's a second stage after passing the examination. i was so not in the mood of going since i got a fever the other day and it's getting worse on that day. lost my appetite and my mother started nagging me to force down and finish my roti canai when we're having breakfast before heading to INTAN..huuu~ T_T

got there pretty early, well, it's better because i was informed later that some candidates were sent home because they late for like 10 minutes for registration! since it's only like 15 minutes journey from my house, my father just dropped me at the stairs and bye-bye to me. ceh. some candidates were accompanied by their parents and they even sent their children into the room. met my old Penang buddies there, Ija, she's my roomate during my first semester at Penang. too bad, i'm not in the same room like her :( spotted other friends too including Syaza (which i already expected) and altogether there were 5 of us from UiTM Penang batch. weeeee!


this was my room. not bad isn't it? well, considering it's free! haha. i got to share a room with Zu which surprisingly we went to same school! but, never knew her because she's already left school when i entered my Form 1. she's very nice, very talkactive too! my 2 days spending there was fun having her around. i considered myself as lucky because we got a room for 2 persons because some had to share it for 3 and the rest got a dorm with 6 people inside. so...i've got a little bit of privacy. hee. after throwing all bags and stuffs in my room, we straight going for the first activity. well, there are few activities here which segregate into categories. each activity is either using English or Bahasa Malaysia as a medium of communication. when using Bahasa Malaysia, you're not allowed to use even a single word in English and same goes other way round.

i must say all candidates there are verrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyy good and to tell the truth, i was a bit scared. for English, they are all speaking like English is their mother tongue. i felt a bit down myself because mine isn't that good :( frankly speaking, all activities required you to use your brain up to maximum level and to think outside the box. briefly, it's mostly about a problem solving issue. you had to discuss with your group members how to solve that problem. from here, i can see everyone came out from their shell. some are very dominant and try to control everything, some are kept on talking gibberishly without thinking and turned out, all words are rubbish, some are very quiet, some tend to having difficulty in listening to others and many many more. me? maybe i'm in between. haha. i think, for PTD, is not how well you speaking, but how you being diplomacy when you're surrounding with people like those. even, the facilitator stated, it's not how much you speak, but how to say 'NO' to others. my advise is, for those who will be going to PAC later, please please be prepared.

for that evening, supposedly we have a running activity for 2.4km! luckily it's raining and the running is changed to aerobics instead. yeay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can see everyone is happy on that! :P for public speaking session, i was given a topic of Organ Donation. without internet, i can't access for more information but i think my content was good enough because i used to read about this before. being me, i tend to speak very fast when i nervous @@ so relieved that i could give a satisfied answer (for me lah) during Q & A session later..phew. overall, i think i've given my best, but there are some errors here and there where i couldn't think it through because i wasn't feeling well which made my brain not working hard enough T_T and.......the outcome of this PAC was, my fever getting worse the next day and still, i had to go to work and went home late as usual. i really really really hope i can make it through though the chances is sooooooooo little. imagine, there are about 70k to 80k attended the exam, 7k to 8k passed and went to second stage, about half of that pass to the interview and there are about less than 500 vacancies available !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok, did i scared you out? hee.

the food:


some sneak peeks of this place:


bye!

toothfairy, if you ever existed, please rescue me!

hye all. today, i'm gonna tell you about what i did today..and it's not something so pleasant i must say..hehehehehe. ok, here goes, i wanted to wear braces since like forever. i meant it. since i was a kid. but then, when i was small, i was scared to wear one. then, when i finished my school, i registered again at PPUM to get my braces on. the queue took years, but too bad, when it came to my turn, i had to turn it down because i was at Penang then and it would be quite a hassle to get back to KL every month to do the check up. so, recently, i registered again at one private clinic somewhere in Gombak and something came up. something unexpected.

the doctor refused to do braces on my teeth asap because he suspected a lump at my right jaw. he said to refer to hospital first before proceeding since he worried if i already put my braces, it would affect my gum. plus, it's out of his expertise. soo..here i am today, at Faculty of Dentistry, UM with my mother to do a check up on my jaw. had breakfast of Roti Telur and Teh Tarik before going there. i guess, it's not really a good idea. sorry doc if you smell any curry aroma fill up in your consultation room..ahaha.

breakfast at Faculty of Medicine cafeteria

it's quite a long process i must say because my case is quite unusual. i had to do an X-Ray, then, after founding that my teeth structure quite..well...err..weird? maybe a bit different i must say, they proceed me to do a CT Scan because they wanted to check the structure of my mouth, jaw and such into extra details. she said that i have a "twin teeth" which is rarely founded and the scan purposes was to find what exactly cause the lump on my right jaw. even the practical dental students there were surrounding me to see my X-Ray picture because they said that's their first ever to see teeth structure like that. they even wanted to take it as part for their assignment. pfftt. is that cool or uncool???!

my teeth structure. this is my famous teeth X-Ray

yeah..this is me acting like so brave

the doctors there were arguing and discussing about my teeth. one wanted to take them all off today, one wanted to take 2 off today and there's a lot lot lot of hypotheses and opinions. so....as conclusion, i have to undergo an oral surgery in 2 weeks time which i have to be admitted into ward a day before. OMG. i was scared like hell because i've never ever been warded before!!!!!!!!! i never thought the idea getting a braces could take me this far!!!! they said, they would put me into sleep before taking out 4 of my useless teeth. they asked me, would i prefer to do the process while i'm awake or when i'm sleep. then, i answered them "even when i'm awake, i guess i would faint naturally during the process" ..and they are all laughing. ceh.

so...i'll be living in fear for these upcoming 2 weeks. help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks mother for accompanied me today and even entered the consultation room with me. aha. thanks also to Doctor Farah who is sooooo nice and sweet. i usually hate dentist but with her, it's a pleasant experience i would say. :)

later my mother and i adjourned for lunch. i definitely won't be able to eat all those good food once my teeth were taken off T_T

wedding season

it's wedding season! wedding bells or may i say kompang melody is everywhere! every weekend, there would be at least one wedding invitation my family received. some of them can be attended and some are just can't :( today, bb and i went to Cheras to attend my officemate's wedding. we arrived there quite early and killed our time by waiting in a car for my other friends to arrive. the food is goooooooood, maybe because we're hungry? ahaha. to the newlyweds, congratulations and may you have a blessed marriage and a happy life ahead.

getting ready

door gifts for this weekend alone

above are some of the door gifts collected. i don't understand that is this some kind of trend to give a paper/plastic bag/basket and fill them with junk food? well, at least it can be eaten (which i rarely do) but to fill them with unnecessary items which obviously will not be used later is not a really a good idea i think. read: small cups, mini towels, cutleries, small glass. i think things that can't be used is such a waste. but anyway, it's only my opinion and the rest is up to the family's budget and their likings. so, as a guest, you just shut up and eat your nasi minyak..heheh ;p

a quick catching up

last night bb and i went to Zhaf's house, our former classmate friend from UiTM shah alam as he organized a Yassin recitation event. i had to do an overtime yesterday, so i was worried that we would turn up late since there would be a massive traffic congestion during that particular hour. plus, we were lost quite a distance from his house where Zhafran had to drive to our lost location and lead the way to his house..hee. when we arrived, my first thought was the event already over but it hadn't started yet. ok, his house is huge man! in fact, all the houses around his are huge and pretty. Aliza arrived after minutes we were there. fuh, lucky that she came or else it would be sooo awkward to be alone where you don't know any faces there :P

after Yassin recitation, we were invited to have a little dinner. the food was good oh kay! they got Arabian rice and accompaniments, pies, muffins and more. i really love the chocolate muffin. i ate half of it and took it home. too bad that i left it in bb's car.....pfftt. had a little chatted after with Zhafran and Aliza, but too bad, time flies so fast that we had to cut it short because it's getting late :( anyway, thank you so much Zhafran for inviting us. had a good time there! :D


and i just noticed that there's no tuan rumah picture after all..adeh. :P