2019

Assalammualaikum wbt,

It has been almost a month since we step into 2019, and I guess it is still not too late for me to wish Happy New Year to those who are reading my blog. Well, if there is any? Haha. Well, Alhamdulillah, I am still alive and breathing and working towards my happiness. 2018 has been hard for me especially at my workplace with me adjusting to the changes of management and adapting to new environment. Well, still same place, same position but environment sure does play important role doesn’t it? 

2018 also taught me hard to really see the true colour of people. People who we are thought to be our friends turn out to be the backstabber , and rather doesn’t even care if we are happy or sad. It is true indeed, you will feel like you’re having a thousand friends when you are happy, but when you are sad, turn out you only have.. you. 2018 taught me to re-evaluate myself on what really is important in my life; family and self happiness. I tried to eliminate those toxic people out of my life, less gossiping, keeping my circle small, and the most drastic I even do is to block some people in my contact. I just do not want these people to haunting me anymore invading my privacy and personal space.  I also learning to say no and being more firm which I still working on that. It’s just in my nature to become to obey and it’s killing me especially at workplace because people take advantage out of it. 

But of course, 2018 wasn’t all baddd. Even they are, we’re still learning something, taking the lesson out of them aren’t we? That’s how we know ourself better and to fix whatever we are lacking of. The highlights of 2018 for sure was my Perth trip to my family, which I valued the most and to which I still owing my blog entries to that! Haha. Hanif Aiden also started schooling this year, how time flies, he’s a big boy already. The routine become more pack, sending him school, fetching him back on daily basis. I’d even cooked early in the morning for his breakfast and lunch boxes. Tiring, but I hope they’re all worth it. Of course I did cheat sometimes, just reheating the food or so, but whatever. We are all can try to be supermom, but if we don’t succeed, don’t put the blame and trying too hard. We are all humans afterall. 

Besides that, we also moved to our own house, finally! After bought it for 4 years, and after crashing my in-laws place for 4 years! Well, can’t believe myself that I survived living with the in-laws, of course with some dramas, joy and tears included. Such bittersweet memories, and now we have place of our own, something we can call home. Although it is small, 1000+ sqft to be precised and wayyy incomplete but my husband and I feel happier. Yeah, we still sleep at the hall with our mattress, can’t afford to buy the bed yet. Unfortunately, my son, having such major withdrawal from this moving out process, no other people he can run into if he’s angry with us parents. No friends to play with anymore and he’s behaving distantly. Sign of boringness of course. Poor him, we tried our best to entertain him, like bringing him to swimming pool and taking him out frequently. No doubt he misses my MIL, as she’s the one who raised him, sleep together at night, and the cousins too which he literally growing up together at my in-laws house. That’s why we’re trying our best to do a frequent visit which always ending up a battle to bring him back home again. 

Next, my youngest sister, Ecah is getting married. Alhamdulillah all went well. Despite many challenges but we finally see the truest color of some family members that could ditch own blood because of small issues. I mean, some are even unrelated to it but being the ‘unpopular’ side, trying to put Ecah’s wedding as victim. Well they tried to, but we just couldn’t care less, as long as the event went smoothly and settled. The bright side is that, it’s a good thing to see this really, so we will not fall into some people fake kindness and maybe to even distance ourselves from these species. As long as we can live on our own, not relying from people, I don’t see the point to be nice anyway. I mean, we can be nice but at the same time, not to give a room to being taken granted for. Again, the aim is to remove the toxic people out of our lives, always always remember that. I’m happy that my sister finally found the one after her struggle and the pains she had gone through from her previous unhealthy relationship. I’m happy that she is who she is again, escaping from the dark chapter of her life’s that she was haunted from. 

So again, after all, I’m looking forward to have a good start of 2019 and the rest of it. I will stop chasing, stop expecting more and want to focus more on myself and my small family. I just will not care to please people and hoping for the return. I just need to be happy with what I have now and cherish them. Not that I stop being ambitious but, I’m afraid I’d lose something I treasured in pursuing the wealth or success. I don’t want to try too much, I just want to pause and enjoy what I already have and living the life ahead of me. I have witnessed that some people are losing their values, crashing every principles and ditching what made them humane in order to chase fame, wealth and influences. I wish not to be like that. I’m older (although physically I tell people I’m in my 20s haha!), and I’m trying to be wiser too. I’m tired making enemies, whoever I felt unworthy to have argument with or furious about, I just avoid them. I don’t want any confrontation, it’s just drowning and sucking up the energy. So.... as Sandra Bullocks puts it; World Peace.