Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. All praises to Allah swt. On last December 4, 2014, I have safely delivered my first baby boy, introducing Hanif Aiden Bin Hafizuddin. I am now sharing the same feeling with all mothers, I'm now a MOTHER! What an amazing feeling and the best title of all :)
Oh boy, the experience of delivering can't be described by words. Only those who have gone through know how it feels. But yet again, every mother is different. Alhamdulillah again, both baby and mummy are safe. Not my rezeki this time to deliver normally. Human can only plan, but Allah swt is the greatest planner after all. Let me tell you my delivery experience. Warning, it may cause trauma to new mother..hahaha!
On 3rd December, I was scheduled for my pre-natal check up at PPUM. As usual, I went there sharing the same ride with my mother (because she's working at UM). After we bought our breakfast and as we entered her staffs' restroom, I saw a rat! Oh dear, I was so shocked that I jumped on the sofa despite carrying my big belly. I totally forgot that I was pregnant! On our way to the ante-natal clinic, I felt something wet on my panties and stopped to check it in the toilet. There it was, a blood stain. I hadn't feel anything yet at that time. I think the rat was responsible to trigger my contraction afterwards..
I mentioned about the blood to the nurse and she asked me whether I had the contraction yet and I said no, so she had me waiting for my turns like the rest with my BLOODY panties on. When it's my turn to see the doctor, she checked my opening and said that I was 1 cm open. Being naive and first time, when she told me she wanted to check the opening, I thought she would just take a look 'down there'. Little that I knew, she put her gloves on and insert her hand inside my vagina. Oh man, that was hurt!! Get your hands out!! (Dalam hati aje lah). She gave me an option whether I wanted to stay or go back home and wait until it's the 'time'. Since no one at home, I chose to just stay at the hospital, just in case.
Well, nothing happen that evening, there's contraction but mild. My mother even came to me bring a delicious Lasagna. Until that night, the painful is start kicking in. Oh boy...the contraction is hard and frequent but my opening was still 1 cm. I couldn't sleep that night and cried and cried. The pain is unbearable. Too bad for me, PPUM's policy is not allowing husband to stay in with you either in the ward or delivery room. That's the down side if you choose to deliver at PPUM. After all, everything was ok. However, when I was alone beating the contraction, I felt so helpless, so weak and I prayed hard that my husband, my mother or anyone is here to keep me company, so I can cried and tell them how painful it was. Just anyone. I walked on the corridors few times when I can't take the contractions no more to get any doctors or nurses to check my opening but it at 1cm still. My opening was checked 2 times that night, meaning that there were 2 times a hand poked inside down there. The nurse was even said to me, I think more like consoling me "Sakit ke? Baru sikit ni, tangan aje ni. Nanti kepala baby lagi besar tau". Wait, is that consoling? But I remembered i felt even scared after that.
I was scheduled to deliver my baby that afternoon, but my opening progress was quite slow. It 1cm still and increasing to 2-3cm after the doctor enlarge my vagina opening with their hands. Oh Allah, that was hurt! even imagining them now brings shiver to myself until now. Tak tipu! My mother and my youngest sister visited me that afternoon and I broke into tears in front of them. I am not ashamed at all. My sister helped to massage my back when contractions kicking in and how I wished for her to stay. That afternoon around 2-3pm I think (I have lost track of time), I was brought to delivery room. The contraction hurts even more! The doctor broke my water but my opening progress was still slow despite the strong contraction. I was crying hard and start begging for operation. I didn't take the epidural then and until today I still wonder why they didn't offer me then. I was on gas and I am not gonna lie here, it didn't help at allllllllllll! I was left alone in that room and everytime the contraction came I cried and shout "sakit...uhuuuk uhukkk". A nurse came by in to check on me but of course there was nothing she could do. But I did appreciate them when they consoled me and caressed me saying "Sabar ye dik, istighfar banyak-banyak, sebut nama Allah, bukan senang nak dapat anak". I did not relax however and being a human that I am, I start to blame my husband for making me pregnant LOL.
I remembered there's a lady doctor, I think she's a houseman came in to check on me and at that time I was crying painfully and said to her "sakit sangat ni" and you know what she replied? She said "Tahanlah sikit sakit tu!" She is yelling at me, fucking yelling at me!!! I was so shocked eith her reply I felt like slapping her. Kau pernah rasa sakit beranak ke mangkuk??!
At about 5cm opening, another doctor checked on me, I think she is the MO and called for an emergency ceaserian because my baby's heartbeat was dropping. She even scolded the earlier HO why she did not reporting the heartbeat graph to her thus resulted in delaying the ceaserian process. Payback time, padan muka kau (dalam hati sahajalah). After that, I did remembered signing papers, brought to the operation room, the anesthetic injection..and the relief I felt after I was given the anesthetic. While being pushed to operation theatre, I remembered seeing my husband and mother sitting outside..how I wish my husband to hold my hand at that time.
In the operation room, I was seated on a bed and the poked the anesthetic on my back. Oh my God, what a relief. The contractions gone afterwards and the next thing I knew I was half awake when they did the operation. I don't know how long it took, everything was a blur as I was drugged but I remembered when the doctor told me "We're going to take the baby out, get ready"..and I felt like a pressured to my stomach and suddenly, a nurse showed me my baby and told me "Alhamdulillah..it's a boy". I kissed him and that nurse tried to put my baby on my breast for skin to skin but I was so tired and my baby refused to breastfeed at that time. Ya Allah, it's the most beautiful view I have ever seen in my life, it's the most beautiful moment I have ever experienced. I wish to have shared that moment with my husband though but the hospital didn't allow it. After all, I know that he is anxiously waiting and praying for me outside the operation room. I was so tired then and all I wanted to do is sleeping..
I was then brought to the 'waiting room' and left there with blanket. I was so tired that I slept and only awaken when they pushed me to the ward. I couldn't move due to the anesthetic effect but I remembered my husband and my mother visited me at post-natal ward. I have lost track of time but I'm pretty sure it was night time. My mother even took a picture of me to send to my grandmother..hmmph. Yes, having a ceaserian was so hurt, I couldn't move at all the whole night due to the drug effect. Whenever I moved, it hurts real bad. I stayed at the hospital for another night before discharged. That morning, they sent me my boy and there he was, tiny little man that made me so painful the day before looking so innocent sleeping in his box. I would say he was an easy baby to take care of while we were at the hospital, didn't cry much and only wake up for milk. I fall in love with him even at my first diaper change. The first time I wiped his butt from his black poop. Hahaa. Alhamdulillah, my boy is healthy and my motherhood journey is now begin..
I will continue my early motherhood stories, my confinement in the next posts. InsyaAllah, I will try my best to find time.
This is the picture of me taken by my mother. I am able to smile because I was drugged and didn't feel any pain yet.
These two are the only pictures I have while at the hospital. I have taken a lot but my phone is lost, hence the photos.....
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