Welcome to world girl!

As per my pregnancy post earlier, I was schedule to have my c-sect on 29 January, and I already applied my maternity leave a week earlier for last minute preparation. Most of the items I bought from Shopee as I couldn’t bring myself to walk too much at shopping mall, yeah, I am that heavy .. and let’s face it, old.

On Monday 24th, I went to the bank, my old office at Taipan to do some withdrawal for Hanif Aiden’s 2022 school fees because I was too busy preparing for little one that I missed to do it earlier for Abang .. hehe. Ohh, I shall write about Hanif’s school as well, he’s in Standard 2 now, can’t you believe?! My old office is in level 2, so there’s a bit of climb as well, and it felt good catching up with old friends laughing and chatting. Guess the stairs climbing and excitement triggered my labor, I started to feel stomach discomfort at about 10pm. 

At first I thought it just a normal stomachache as I had pulut and rendang ayam for dinner earlier and was prepared for a return trip to the loo. I told my husband to just pack his clothes, well just in case. But as the pain came frequently, I started to jot it down, this definitely it I thought. The contraction weren’t as bad compared to Hanif’s but I probably think it’s because I am at the comfort of home and a husband by my side. At about 2am, we were off to hospital as I couldn’t bring myself to sleep, and the contraction intervals are closer. We dropped Hanif off at my parents first before proceeding to hospital. 

We were put in the waiting room first to take the RTK and PCR so we’re cleared to proceed with the operation later on. The nurse in waiting told us that my operation is scheduled at 7-8am later in the morning and our gynae Dr Siti Aishah has been informed as well, and she will come after Subuh at about 7am. I changed into the hospital attire and the nurse even helped me to shave the south area… well, I can do it myself but the baby has decided to come 4 days earlier. Plus, we aren’t playing with that area right since I am scheduled for the operation? later when we check the bill, it costed us RM27, what a way to make money, guess my husband is willingly do the honor. 

The contractions were wild and more frequent but as I expected my opening still stuck at 1cm.. just like Hanif last time.. Because I have discussed with my doctor, although I have opted for caesarean, should there is opportunity for normal vagina birth, we may proceed with that as well, but baby still decided to come out from the tummy instead of down under.. The waiting game is brutal with the intense contraction, but thank God I was calmer because my husband is next to me. I’m hungry but I wasn’t allowed to eat anything prior to the operation because I might vomit should I react weirdly with the anaesthetic later on. Even the nurses and doctor were surprised seeing my CTG chart on heavy contractions but no progress with the opening, well well, the history repeat itself :’)  After hours of waiting and praying, the doctor arrived and I was pushed to the operation theatre. Too bad, due to Covid policy restriction, my husband wasn’t allowed to be in. 

I was so nervous and scared in the operation theatre, the contraction still heavy and I have to wait in between to be injected with anaesthetic as I need to sit still. The long waiting making me even more nervous that I almost cried.. Then, the operation begin, although I was under anaesthesia, I can still feel my stomach were cut open, slicing layers after layers, even the thought of it today stings.. Why is it different than the last time.. I really wish my husband were here to calm me down. Just can’t wait to be over. After finally like forever, I felt a heavy push on my stomach, and heard the doctor said “Assalammualaikum baby..”. The girl is here, my sweet daughter. I teared abit when the doctor brought my baby close to my face and kissed her. So so beautiful. Then, the stitched me up, and I was brought to the observation room. 

Being in labor means you have no control over your body, especially for c-sect, and put aside your shame too. As I was under anaesthesia, I can’t even lift a finger, so the staff did everything for me, spread my leg open so they can insert a tube for me to pee, dress and undress me buck naked, well just no secret left, they’ve seen the worst and ugliest of you, so just be nice to them. I was monitored for about 1 hour, then were brought back to the temporary ward. I was so drowsy and hungry too. My husband did feed me drinks and I heavily vomited right after, due to the anaesthesia effects. We waited few hours at the temporary ward as our room isn’t ready and I haven’t meet my baby yet at this point. 

After that, I was brought to the proper ward, took a single room this time so my husband can accompanied me (one thing I longed to do and unable to get during Hanif’s). They brought in my baby for me to see and nurse. She is so beautiful I almost cried. My new angel.. aww peacefully sleep. But I was too drowsy to hold her long, and I get the nursery to take her back. I spent the whole day after operation sleeping, surely from the side effect of the anaesthesia. What I definitely missed my time in the hospital is that they will send the baby to me anytime to nurse or whatever, and I can always send them back to nursery if the baby cried or poop hahahaha. Wish I have the very same service at home… teehehe. We spent another 3 days more at the hospital and were discharged on Friday, 28th January. The doctor offered to extend our stay but longer stay means additional bill, so thank you hahahaha. During our stay at the hospital, Hanif was at my MIL’s, he’s enjoying himself because we absent him from school obviously.. duh. 

Yes, we self pay the bill, neither my insurance or husband covered maternity..pfft (well another reason why the delayed pregnancy :p). The total bill was around RM11k, but husband already paid the deposit bit during our check ups. During the post-delivery stays, we were visited by my gynae, Dr Siti to check on my healing progress, Dr Sufiah (Hanif’s previous paediatrician) for the baby, and breastfeeding consultant. This time, I weren’t keen or stressing myself out into breastfeeding because oh boy, it was so difficult last time and to be honest, it doesn’t get any easier too this time. Hanif were bottle fed, and he grew up just well too. Well, sorry for the unpopular opinion, but best is the baby is fed regardless bottle or breastmilk. No.competition.here.seriously. 

We went straight to our home in Shah Alam, because this time I determined to have my confinement at the comfort of my own house. I informed my confinement service on this, and they only be able to come the next day. Can’t wait to start a new journey with our latest addition, and to be honest I’m pretty scared. Will the baby be easy? Will the baby be fussy? Is the colic going to be bad? Lots and lots of possibilities.. 

Will share about my confinement days in different post InsyaAllah. 

Westlife 2019

I just went through my blog drafts and there were plenty of it. From the concerts and other events, I tried to continue writing but I just forgot the details.. I love writing about good things and happy moments/events in this blog, just as a reminder that my life has a lot to be thankful for and that I am blessed. 

While at it, I've realized in a year 2019 before the world getting hit by Covid severely, it was also a year where I went to concerts most; Siti Nurhaliza (yeap), Ed Sheeran, Boyzone, Jason Mraz, Maroon 5, Westlife and Shawn Mendez. I have them drafted but I really can't recall much, thank God for Instagram. 

If anyone know me from school, they know how big of fan I am of Westlife. Yes, was crazy over them during my teenage life, in fact, the first concert that I went to was Westlife in 2001, still remember the ticket costed RM90 and abah brought me then :) I collected their posters, mousepad, cassettes, throughout my teenage years, well until my interest change to Maroon 5 instead :P So when they announced they going for Asia tours in 2019, of course I was thrilled!! Of course I had to drag down my friend Manisah to go to the concert with me all the way from Sabah since we were both fangirling over them then. 

I don't know but Westlife really hold a special place for Asians compared to the other celebrities. As proof, they even held not one but two shows in city where the demand are the most, and Malaysia included. I know that I can't get through the ticketing system, so I hired a personal shopper to do so for me. It's a bit worrying to trust someone with money of almost Rm700 but that's the best option that I have because I know I'm not gonna camp overnight at the ticket counter nor winning the online ticketing battle. Anddddd... I scored the best seat ever!! It really is a rezeki and luck, it's front row seat baby. The front-est of all, and closest to the middle stage as well. WHAT.A.LUCK. Felt like hugging and kissing the PS. The tickets were sold out within minutes both physical and online for BOTH NIGHTS! 

I remember having all sorts of excitement and butterflies in fact the whole zoo in my stomach waiting for the concert to start. It has been like yearsss since I last watched them in concert. My seat was definitely the best as I get the perfect view and making eye contacts with them all the time! This concert really relive my teenage years and having shared this with Manisah my school friends means a lot to me, as we were both nicknamed after Mark & Shane’s last name during school days. Ohh the dumb thing we did (-__-) We danced and sang along with all we got, and had the best time of our life. They also includes medley of Queen’s hits, they were good but I thought it’s  unnecessary because hey Westlife has been around more than 20 years, they have enough song to cover whole concert. They can sing all their hits and that won’t be enough for 1 show for that matter. 

Of course the highlight of the concert were first, when Mark waved back at me and second, when Shane return my flying kiss!!!!! Of course the whole stadium saw that hahaha! And and and I even managed to record it! I did gave multiple flying kisses to other members too but they just laughed it off, only Shane is kind enough to return it! Haha, yeapp my seat was that close to the stage that I get to interact with them! :D This concert was wayyyyyyy better than their last one in 2011? I really really enjoyed myself that night, maybe because it was sort of like a goodbye or closure of my teenage life, a reminder I was young once doing young people do fangirling over a boyband. Little did I knew, world is affected by Covid months after and there is no international concert since.. 

The concert is part of their world tour to promote their latest album, so most of the songs that night are new, bit of awkward to sing along because most are expecting to sing down the memory lane haha. Funniest was they did eye contact with me during the new song and obviously they can see me mumbling the words…. Lol 😆 Malu ok! Because during their familiar songs I was jumping and sing along like crazy, waving giving flying kiss all sorts, but when it comes to the new ones, I just smile and wave hands only laa. They did sing the old hits too, for the medley. 

The 2 hours went by like an eye blink.. Can’t believe the concert finally over. I am 32 again. 2 hours I was transported back to my youth.. my teenage years where life is easier, everyone I loved were still around, and no single care in the world about money. Felt like crying, well I think I did. Thank you Westlife for being part of my teenage years, for the memory and for growing up with me, together. I was obsessed over them, my English weren’t good then, grew up with non-English speaker grandparents and society, also at rural kampung school, Westlife songs really helped me. I would buy English magazines (Galaxie, Smash Hits, TV Hits), and hitting up the dictionary to find the meaning. Well, my English aren’t that good now either, but boleh lah to survive. 

Malaysia is slowly moving towards the endemic and most of the sectors are slowly picking up, entertainment being the last. In fact, 2022 has few concerts lining up, especially from the A-list celebrity; JUSTIN BIEBER in October. Hope we can go back to normal, can’t wait to attend all the live music performances and burning my pockets, again. (Like it wasn’t burn onto something else already haha)

Pregnancy 2.0

The decision to get pregnant this time is made after we carefully convinced that we are stable economically and time. Well, a child is definitely a blessing but honestly, they are commitment. Not that to be ungrateful, but as parents, is our job to prepare for their basic needs; education, comfortable space, food, babysitter...and the list goes on. And most important of all, is our mental health, the readiness to welcome another human being into our life despite our busy schedule and challenging world. A baby means, you lose your sleep, and you get to start from zero again. To be honest, my husband and I kind of lose touch a bit because Hanif Aiden is already 7 and we forgot how it feels to have a baby haha.

Another main reason is, ever since the MCO, we mainly spent our time at home and Hanif Aiden is obviously bored on his own. Being only a human being with many responsibilities on our shoulder; work commitment, deadlines, target, bills etc, sometimes we can't control our anger and we tend to lashing out onto him :( so we thought, he needed a friend, he is stress too but unable to release it. At least when he's at school, he has friends and activities to release all his energy into. 

I was tested positively pregnant around May 2021, after Raya to be exact. We've been trying months earlier. Alhamdulillah, our rezeki, Allah swt made it easier for us to conceive. (Seriously, I feel a bit guilty saying this gratitude because I know many people out there and friends are still TTC, my doa for them). I was supposed to get my first dose of Astra Zeneca vaccination shot that day when I took the test. Back then, there is still no clear guidelines for pregnant/breastfeeding mothers to be vaccinated, as the vaccination program was just kickstarted (still optional to take last time). But I went anyway to IDCC to consult with the doctors there. Surely I was denied.

Weeks after that, Malaysia Covid cases getting scarily high that many young people are succumbed to this virus, and what's scarier, the virus had its best with pregnant mothers. There are many many cases involving pregnant mothers that unable to survive, had the babies taken out from them via caesarean whilst the mothers in a coma. The trend and news get my anxiety at its best, I couldn't sleep at night, and the anxiety attacked here and then, that I had to sleep in a separate room and watch Netflix "A Good Doctor" series to sleep. The worst pregnancy sickness are no help either. Luckily, I was blessed with a good boss, that he let me Work From Home most of my early pregnancy days. I also dying for the time to move faster for me to reach 14 weeks of pregnancy so that I can get my at least first dose of vaccination shot. The news of the famous local singer Siti Sarah passed away due to this virus while she was pregnant get the worst of me and shocked the nation.

I had to temporarily stop taking orders too for my side business Good Mentega as the pregnancy sickness gets worst. In fact until end of pregnancy, I can't stand to smell the batter, and caused all my butter stocks expired.. and they are all French Butter..hmm. Oh, speaking of this, I need to create another post of my newly found passion: Good Mentega. During Raya Haji, it is still on MCO, we did not go anywhere, and I did not prepare anything for Raya as I wasn't able to even stand let alone to cook. But we were blessed to have such wonderful neighbours that they sent us food and were overflowed in fact. In return, we just Grab Haagen Dasz ice cream to each of them. 

I feel much better during the second trimester, yes, just like any other pregnancies, second trimester is where I feel much healthier and energized. Plus, I have completed both doses of vaccination, I feel pretty confident about myself and able to return to work. I utilising most of time doing shopping for little one, and myself too. Pregnancy this time effecting my body a lot! Last time I still can fit my pre-pregnancy clothes throughout the pregnancy, but not this time, even the undergarments can't fit me too. Another cost to me...sigh. Although some might say, don't waste it on clothes because you're going to deliver anyway, but I still need to go to work and appointments, can't expect me to wear kaftan then.. Now I have many maternity clothes, I might want to resell preloved especially the shirts that I only wear one or two. Not the pants surely because I wear them frequently until they sick of me. 

During this pregnancy I was also diagnosed with diabetic! My sugar level is high that I had to be on medication and to poke my fingers 4 times a day to check my sugar daily and to record them as well. Definitely had to do with my daily intake of Cokes during my first trimester to beat the nausea. Not just that, my cravings for sugar is pretty scary too. Sweet drinks/carbonated drinks daily, not including desserts or snacking on biscuits, chocolates, it's definitely the baby, I am not usually like this :P I drank teh tarik from the mamak next door on daily basis although I don't really like it before because it's way too sweet. I skipped lunch but it doesn't help much lowering the sugar that I had to be on meds until end of pregnancy.. 

I did my monthly check ups at my sister's clinic, and towards the second trimester onwards, at Subang Jaya Medical Centre. I don't know whether it's a perks or downside to have your sister as your gynaecologist because she is based at government hospital, hence she got a bit carried away with the typical government doctors attitude (read: stern & strict, fierce too) haha.. well, despite we paid for the service *rolls eyes*.

On my third trimester we went to go for a short holiday at Port Dickson because it's Hanif Aiden's birthday month, we tried our best to make the most of it because after this, our attention will get divided. We also managed to bring him to Petrosains in KLCC and he had fun as he love everything science and experimenting, definitely a perfect place for him. The last 2 months in December and January are quite challenging for me, my back were in pain, I had cramps on my fingers, shortness of breath and I get tired way too easy this time.. well, what's new. Could be because of age factor too. With office located at third floor with no lift are no help either. In fact, I prayed on a chair even during my first trimester. This pregnancy really affecting me physically, and mentally too when I can't rely on my body too much. Sometimes I question my decision, why do I want to do this again? and there are times when I regret delaying this pregnancy, should've done it in my 20s, but were broke haha :P Just.can't.wait.to.get.this.baby.out

This time I determined to give birth at private hospitals, but I was still indecisive whether to plan for normal or caesarean, and at last, I opted for caesarean because well, it was easier and the hospital charges were fixed ..haha truly that is the main concern because we both not born on a silver platter. Every single cents is count. My caesarean operation date is supposed to be on 29 January, at first I wanted to schedule on 2/2/2022 well, because nice date and everything, but the doctor advised not to, because it falls on Chinese New Year, and the hospital charges going to be double. Ok then, no further negotiation, we stick to that date. Such concerning doctor indeed. I applied for maternity a week before the scheduled delivery date, well to be able to be at home to receive all my last minute online shopping. Shopee is the bomb! By January, I really can't bring myself to go to any shopping complexes or going anywhere during lunch hour break like I usually do :P Heck, I can’t even bring myself from the couch to the kitchen. This baby just can't wait to see the world, I delivered her on 25th, 4 days earlier than scheduled. Shall get the details in a separate entry. I mostly entertained my Shopee delivery call on the hospital bed that’s for sure. 

Afterall, I really think this pregnancy moved incredibly fast, I felt it was just yesterday that I took the test and now I have a 3+kg baby in my arms. Alhamdulillah to all the blessings. Another baby? Well, maybe not anytime soon! 

 

I'm a mother of two!

 Yes... you read that right. Even I can't believe it myself, I am now a proud mother of two! Alhamdulillah for this blessings. Now I have a pair, nothing else I could ask for but pray for their health and happiness. Amin. A boy and a girl. Hanif Aiden my sweetest boy and Eve Maryam my dearest girl. Mommy love you both eternally. Shall get details into my pregnancy and labor journey in the next post, insyaAllah. 

Hello again!

 Wow it's almost 3 years since my last post in 2019. A lot has been changed since. I haven't been able to bring myself to write after my great lost in 2019 that has left a huge hole in my life. Now I have a strength to write a little bit, well just to document a piece of me, something to read in the future. Because I find myself enjoying reading pieces of my past in this blog that I totally forgot about it should anyone ask me to recall. I have lost touch in writing but I'll try, they are mainly for my own reading, but if you're happen to stumble upon this blog, just don't mind the grammatical error or the boring content yah! hehe. I have a draft of 2019, 2020 and 2021 summary, maybe I will continue writing that and upload soon!